I went into this week feeling very aware of my individual self, but in the way of an observer. I have been reading Ralph Waldo Emerson’s essay on Self Reliance and it made me realize that I still had so much room to grow when it came to accepting the woman that God made me to be and knowing who that woman is. I have come a long ways on these subjects in the past few months and during this journey have discovered so many areas that I would like to improve on or become more in tune with. One of them being, accepting and accenting my differences. As OG Mandino quotes in his book, The Greatest Salesman in the World, “I will begin now to accent my differences; hide my similarities.” So, over the past couple of weeks, I have allowed myself to be vulnerable, and maybe even a little raw, especially in my interactions with friends and family.
I tend to over-analyze and nit-pick my true feelings, intentions and actions, so much so that I often will be overwhelmed and leave it all to the way side, which can result in inaccurate and confusing responses to various situations. This of course is all in the name of blending in and keeping the peace. But for what? I had to ask myself. Is constantly disregarding my own thoughts, avoiding a lot of genuine connection with the people in my life that I call friends, family, peers and co-workers, while loosing touch with what it is that I really do think and believe in, worth “making everybody else happy”(which we all know is impossible to begin with). Well goodness, when you put it that way!!! I’m a crazy lady.
So now that you have the back story, I will say that my focus to be open and share my differences with others was a wonderful challenge.
There were a few times that I experienced a sense of exhilaration fill my heart, because I had just said something the exact way I thought it out loud, without much mind haggling, and guess what?! the world did not come crashing down. Hmm. So I kept on keeping on and, “Doing it Now”! I also found that my conversations with people, more often than not, were a lot more interesting and there seemed to be a good number of people who had even started out as complete strangers but who after twenty minutes or so of conversation turned into a great new friend. This was not a new experience but the neat thing was that, in the moment, it was so effortless. I almost felt guilty for the kindness and genuine gestures that were given to me because of, what I felt to be, a basic conversation. With all this being said, you should also know that things were not perfect. I caught myself in a downward spiral into my old blueprint often but, by celebrating my successes, I was able to focus on the positive which allowed me to take away so much from both the “failures” and victories.
This new awareness has inspired me to keep up with an open heart and recognition of myself and to not be so committed to pleasing, but rather confidently serving others. And with this I will say goodnight.